Yes I Tasted Dog Food

In this very special issue of The Weekly, I'm going to explain why I ate dog food and what happened when I did.

Yes I Tasted Dog Food

Hey Friends,

This week, you need a break from the news.

Every once in a while, I like to take a break from the news cycle to allow time to reflect. It's around the end of the year when I step away from short-form ever-changing news and enjoy something that will last longer than a momentary headline. It's a time to stop talking about the two-headed monsters known as politicians and spend time with the four-legged type known as man's best friend.

So this week, I‘m cancelling the news like a Southwest flight. In this week’s newsletter, I'm going to explain why I ate dog food and what happened. Then I'm going to highlight some of my best articles of 2022.

But first, what's coming up?

This weekend, I'll be releasing another chapter of Made From Leftovers, and another in a matter of days. For those who want access to this paid post and future posts like it, I am still offering a year-end special to get 50% off your first year. You can become a Founder for only $25 for a year subscription for an extremely limited time right here.

Thanks to all those who have supported The Lorem Ipsum by upgrading.

Now let's get to The Dog.  

Meet Asher

End of 2022

Asher has a heart of gold and the aroma of a corn chip. He’s the first dog I’ve ever let in my bed, although I still tell him not to get any ideas. He's the most behaved dog I've ever had (we've had three in our house) if you are okay with the constant need for attention. Asher is an important member of the family. He brings companionship and comfort to us. He also brings his ball to us endlessly until you refuse to play fetch with him. He just wants to hang out. But I can relate. I'm a people person, and Asher is a people dog.

We have a lot in common, as it turns out.

Except for our diets. Asher isn't one for bourbon, and without the dexterity in the wrists and the benefits of opposable thumbs, I doubt he could stir his cocktail mixer 48 times anyway. He rarely uses more sophisticated instruments like a knife and fork. Heck, he eats too fast to use one anyway. He rushes to his food like Kari Lake rushes to file a lawsuit. And because of that, he'll lose his lunch – also like Kari Lake.

So I wanted to know what was going on with this guy's food.

So I ate some.

Before you judge me (or during, if you must), consider that dogs are more similar to us in terms of nutrition than we may think. Often, we caution against feeding our four-legged friends chocolate or sugary foods and drinks. And, of course, we humans should moderate those things too. In the case of our pets, we've made it a rule that must be followed.

So, what did it taste like?

It tasted terrible. It was surprisingly bland.

Don't worry. I didn't eat much. I didn’t engorge myself in a puppy-style Thanksgiving feast or anything, but I was thankful. Thankful I don’t eat food this bad.

Or do I?

The fact of the matter is much of what we feed ourselves is, essentially, dog food with extra sugar. Dog food is made from food byproducts that often have eliminated or processed out the whole foods so that the ingredients sound good but may not be that good for us – or our dogs, I mean. You have to read a label to know what is in dog food for the same reason you have to read a label to know what's in a veggie burger – because it's not obvious. A head of lettuce and a tomato is a dead giveaway. So is a slice of beef, for the most part.

And there is something to be said for enjoying the experience of seeking and preparing your food. Naturally, dogs hunt, which offers them much-needed exercise and the opportunity to digest what they eat.

So, because I know how much I love good food, I passed Asher a few strips of bacon this week. I haven't switched him to whole foods quite yet, but it may be worthy of some thought. And, if we humans want to live long and feel good while we're fetching, we should consider doing the same.

The Best Of

Here are some of this year's best articles. I hope you enjoyed spending the year with The Lorem Ipsum. If you didn't, please forward this to a friend so they can put it to better use. See you all in 2023.

Invasions instead of invitations.

Based on history alone, it appears it is much better to be the leader of a totalitarian government than it is to be, say, a homeowner. I explain here.

Invasions, Insurrections and Indictments
We’re resorting to invasions instead of invitations. Based on history alone, it appears it is much better to be the leader of a totalitarian government than it is to be, say, a homeowner. The difference is astounding. When you invade a country, you’re deemed a hero and a

When is Too Soon?

This one is about the ongoing struggle of people who make people laugh.

When is ‘Too Soon’?
About the ongoing struggle of those who make people laugh For no less than four decades, I’ve been doing my best to put my money where my mouth is. Unfortunately, sometimes that can mean I need to wrap my money around my foot. Not because of any bad nail

When Domestic Violence Becomes Entertainment

Is it because bystanders don't see it as their problem?

When Domestic and Sexual Violence Becomes Entertainment
The moment Amber Heard managed to convince us that pooping in a bed is a reasonable approach to revenge, we’ve been riveted. We’re engrossed like a king on his porcelain throne, deliberating as he issues his edict. I guess things have changed since the good ole days of

Arming America

This is the most mathematically inclined article I've written and explains my approach to (everything) and why I write.

Arming America (With Information)
When it comes to gun laws, the power of rhetoric tends to be more powerful than reason, but gun violence like almost all problems is a mathematical one and will require a more nuanced approach. Here’s how the liberal position has got it all wrong.

And finally... If Your Running For President

You might not want to quit your day job – especially if you are Mike Pence.

Pence: Can He Make Old Things New?
When hitching your wagon to a rising star goes bad. Many of you know that I have my eyes on the Oval Office. I have for years, although I’m beginning to doubt my prospects. Specifically, because I believe that the content of this publication will likely be the very thing

That's it for this week.

Thanks for reading The Lorem Ipsum.

Have a Happy New Year!

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