Let's Celebrate Octogenarians

And a special gift for each one of you. It's this week's news.

Let's Celebrate Octogenarians

Hey friends,

Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving weekend to those of you reading in the USA. To readers outside of the states, which is about 10-15% of you, I hope you're enjoying this very regular weekend.

Speaking of being regular, today, the day after Thanksgiving is the busiest day of the year for plumbers, which is a reminder to get avoid pouring cooking oil down the drain and also to get a lot of fiber.

Today is no different for The Lorem Ipsum, except that I am spending parts of this weekend preparing the release of three new chapters of Made From Leftovers, my story about the misunderstood facts about escaping poverty. I've since made the first chapter, Cereal and Ivy League, open to all members now for free. If you haven't read it, you should. You'll have to log in with your email to access the full chapter. Future chapters will be for paying subscribers, and I promise they are coming soon.

Hopefully yesterday, and for many of you all weekend, you had good conversations with your family about politics and religion. After all, I would argue that it's one of the best topics to talk about with your family over a holiday meal. I'll get to that in a minute...

But first, let's get to The News.

Hot Takes

Thanks Giving Weeked of 2022

President Biden Celebrates His 80th Birthday

On Sunday, President Biden celebrated his 80th birthday, which makes him the only sitting president ever to reach the milestone age while in office. Before that, he served as Vice President for 8 years and in the Senate for 36 years. He was elected at 29 putting him among the youngest ever elected as a US Senator.

Biden is also known as the oldest President ever not to be able to reduce record inflation. He's the first President for whom the daily brief includes mentions of bowel movements, which is reported to be one of the more detailed topics discussed in the highly classified meetings which take place shortly after his morning coffee.  

Republicans have repeatedly referred to this next two years as a "lame duck session" and in light of his age, it's unclear if they are referring to politics. But to be sure, the President is still very active physically. His physician shared that Biden takes a spin almost daily on his walker.

After the surprising performance of his party in the Mid Term Elections, reporters have asked the President if he'll seek another term in the oval office, to which he responded "could I just go month to month?". (more)

In related news... President Biden started the week by pardoning turkeys Chocolate and Chip. Purportedly several turkeys are loyal to Biden, although it wasn't stated overtly that Chocolate and Chip were among them. Some consider these "crony pardons" an abuse of power. (more)

Appointing a Special Counsel

The Justice Department is seeking to question Mike Pence in the January 6th investigation. Pence is prayerfully considering whether to comply with the request and if subpoenaed, the former Vice President is expected to pray harder.

Attorney General Merrick Garland appointed a special counsel to take over the DOJ's Trump investigations, as the Orange Party Leader launches his third Presidential campaign. Republicans responded with "nana. nana. boo. boo." citing the incoming takeover of the House of Representatives in which case they intend to initiate investigations against President Biden and his administration (I covered these investigations in this week's article).

In other investigation-related news, The Supreme Court said Trump's tax returns will need to be released, ending a 3 years battle between him and the Democratic lead Ways and Means Committee investigating the former President. According to a person familiar with the matter who asked not to be named in order to speak freely, The Committee is believed to be seeking Trump's tax returns because they wanted to see how much of write off his hair care really was but also related to tax laws and potential conflicts of interest related to then President Trump. (more)

And also... Elon Musk reinstated Donald Trump on Twitter after a democratic vote. Some Twitter users citing fraud reported officials hauling boxes of tweets, but Democrats, to send a message, accepted the results anyway.

Three High-Profile Mass Shootings

Over the course of the last week, three mass shootings resulted in 14 deaths and dozens injured.

First, on Sunday, a UVA student killed three classmates after returning from a field trip. The Suspect, Christopher Jones is in custody and has been denied bail.

In Colorado, there was a shooting on Monday night at a gay bar in Colorado Springs killing 5 people and injuring 25 more. The incident was stopped by the quick action of an Army veteran who jumped on top of the suspect, grabbed the gun, and beat the individual over the head. The perpetrator is facing murder and bias crime charges.

Then on Tuesday, another shooting by a long-time night manager in a Walmart in Chesapeake Bay, Virginia kills 6 including a 16-year-old. Reports say that man came in on Tuesday night just after 10:00. He walked into a break room and without a word, began shooting.

The only joke here is the lack of effort from state and federal elected officials to reduce these types of incidences with proven gun safety measures. Here's an explanation.

Effed-TX Assets

Lawyers for the Cryptocurrency exchange that collapsed overnight say many of the company's assets have been either lost or stolen, making for an awkward bankruptcy hearing. According to reports, $740 million worth of the $8 billion has been recovered so far, which is roughly equivalent to recovering a Foot-Long from a Subway Sandwich shop. The firms found SBF (also known as Sam Bankman-Fried) may have to use his hair as collateral. (more)  

Empty World Cup

This week, the World Cup kicked off (no pun intended) in Qatar, but the country, at the last minute decided it was a cup without beer in it. Football fans (pronounced "soccer" in the USA) who are usually a rowdy bunch were seen practicing unusually good judgment. Some fans were seen wishing opposing fans good luck, eating healthier food, and at times, reading a book. The games end tomorrow. (more)

That's it for the news. Now here's The Gist.

The Laptop is Back

The Gist

This week I published a post about Thanksgiving, but it's not about gratitude.

Also making an appearance in this article: Kari Lake's Glamour Shots and Hunter Biden's laptop, and my Old Fashioned Recipe which some of you will need this weekend.

Read the whole article here:

Returning to The Laptop
And returning to our families for a Holiday weekend.

That's it for this dispatch. I hope you have a great weekend!

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