Houthi and The Blowfish

Covering things that just won't seem to go away. It's this week's news.

Houthi and The Blowfish
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Hey Friends,

I don't know how I'll make it through the winter.

Over the last several days, an arctic blast has caused an epidemic of mustachticles across the country, including on Kansas City Chiefs coach Andy Reid.

mustachticle: noun; (a) a frozen mustache comprising a stalactite of nasal mucus underneath the nostrils. (b) an iced pornstache. See also: pornstache.

For me personally, science has already proven that my skin is so thin I'll be lucky if I can still bend my fingers next week. Expect more typoes, slower email delivery, and Takes that are much less Hot. Perhaps even in this very issue.

I'll get to those in a minute if my heartbeat doesn't slow down too much...

In any case, let's get to The News.

Icy Hot Takes

Week 03 of 2024

Houthi and the Blowfish

For Houthis, it's a life of boat and bloat. Attack a boat, feed yourself and your ego, and let everyone else starve. This week, the US hit Houthi targets in Yemen at least five times. The Houthis claim their attacks on ships in the Red Sea are in solidarity with Palestine since the Houthis would prefer to be the ones starving people.

The US and Britain have taken calculated action to deflate the Houthis, but even when Hootie and the Blowfish disappeared, it came back bigger and stronger than ever as Darius Rucker, the country singer, and I think the situation is the same here, minus the Wagon Wheel cover song.

Where this whole Hootie parallel breaks down is that Houthis are a Shia Muslim rebellion, which is a religious sect that has been in conflict with the Sunni Muslims. The persistent fighting in the Middle East is typically a conflict based on religious differences. Obviously, that doesn't seem to fit with the hit song "Hold My Hand," which says "Hold My Hand. 🎶" instead of "Bomb My Ships. 🎶"

These pirates insist they are ready for more conflict with US and British forces. On Wednesday, they attacked a US ship, warning their enemies that their heroic terrorism against the world's groceries is not over yet. (more)

Iran is the orchestrator of most of the Mess in the Middle East these days. They’re now clashing with Pakistan, who responded to an Iranian attack in a tit-for-tat fashion. But Iran is throwing tats all over the place through its partners, Hamas in Gaza, Hezbollah in Lebanon, and Houthi rebels in Yemen, all of which are engaged in the Israel-Palestine conflict. A part of Iran's "Axis of Resistance" plan dedicated to destroying Israel and the US.

For Israel's part, they say they have begun to scale back their military offensive. In response, Hamas sent more rockets than ever at Israeli territory, a perfect way to kick off your next 'River To The Sea' branded ceasefire. (more)

Iowashed Up

They say Trump won Iowa, but the real winner was this guy, who nabbed a two-million-dollar Powerball win. Otherwise, only the obvious ensued. The undecided voters gave their decision to Trump. And he took it gladly and will keep taking it until there’s no more left to take. Haley came in 2 points behind Desantis. And Desantis landed 30 points behind Trump, after which he promptly fired a bunch of staff and decided to skip a trip to New Hampshire, where Haley expects to do well.

Vivek Ramaswamy, the former child star, ran his campaign like he was on Star Search. He wanted to look like a rising leader, but instead of being Carmen San Diego, he was Dora the Explorer. After coming in last place, achieving (pulls out magnifying glass) only 7.7%, he suspended his campaign and joined Trump at a rally in New Hampshire to offer him his endorsement. (more)

To celebrate the landslide Caucus win, Trump went to another court appearance where he's being sued for defamation. The judge almost said 'no soup for you' to Donald as he was reacting audibly in court during testimony from E. Jean Carroll in round two of her defamation case. At one point, Trump, in defiance of Judge Kaplan threatening to kick him out of the courtroom, said, "I would love it!" to which the judge chastised him, saying, "You just can't control yourself." (more)

Budge or Budget 

Congress late last night cleared the hurdle of keeping the government funded. Only a day before some departments would have shut down, both chambers pushed through a bill, which Senate leader Chuck Schumer was proud to call “bipartisan” since every Democrat, and approximately one Republican, Mike Johnson, worked together to push it through.

The House Freedom Caucus put up a fight as planned, but this time finding less traction than prior maneuvers, barely even slowing down the Department of Congressional Vending Machines, much less derailing the whole spending bill. The Freedom Caucus is now better known as the kids table. I find that if you ignore them long enough, they start to entertain themselves which means the adults can get back to their conversation. (more)

What's The Deference?

The Supreme Court precedent known as the Chevron Deference may be on the chopping block. If you don't know what the Chevron Deference is, you'll need to sign up for my law student daughter's newsletter instead (when she starts one).

Chevron Deference, in short, is a Supreme Court Precedent that tells federal courts that policies about, for example, the environment and protecting it should largely be handled by the Environmental Protection Agency, for example, instead of a handful of unfirable magisterial policy wonks dressed in Snuggies. The precedent is under review by the Supreme Court this week, and the Wonks will decide if they get to decide or not. (more)

Royal Pain in the Abs

Catherine, Princess of Wales, had abdominal surgery earlier this week, and she'll be hospitalized for several more days and away from public duties until Easter. King Charles is out for a bit, too, as he's getting treatment for an enlarged prostate. Word has it, his majesty's prostate was so big that some thought it was the one bearing the Crown. And we already know it's not good when he leads from below.

Honestly, I'm here wondering how the British world is going to make it through the next several weeks without some key royals fulfilling their primary duty of waving at people. If we're lucky, all the elected officials will be able to keep the country going until further notice. (more)

That's it for the news. Here's a reminder of what you missed.


You might say it sucks. But usually, the only good things we ever experience are those that are held against the backdrop of the imperfect. I wrote some reflections on it last week.

The season that cannot end, until something new begins.

That's it for this week.

Remember: Let your fingers do the walking – by forwarding The Lorem Ipsum to a friend.

Have a great weekend!

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