Go Forth

Last week we spent more time thinking about the Supreme Court than we did tacos on Tuesday. It's this week's news.

Go Forth

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Hey Friends,

Happy Independence Day to those who celebrate. I'm writing from The USA, the 15th free-est country in the World where we light off fireworks and drink the cheapest beer the earth has to offer.

A quick shout-out to readers in Switzerland for earning first place for freedom. I'm certain the right to bear fondue pushed them over the edge (not to mention their flag is a big plus).

As for me, each July 4th, I demonstrate my patriotism by declining to say The Pledge of Allegiance because it feels funny.

But this year, I grilled meat, drank beer, and wore synthetic moisture-wicking fabrics on the Fourth of July, and nothing is more patriotic than that. America πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ

Let's get to The News.

Crunch Court Supreme

Feature Story

Last week we spent more time thinking about the Supreme Court than we did tacos on Tuesday. The bench released several landmark rulings, proving once again that the long arm of the law is made of putty and is always malleable. Here are some of the rulings that made the news and my commentary on these topics in articles over the last two years of delivering you The Lorem Ipsum.

  • Student Loan Forgiveness. Like most, students everywhere are pissed that they will have to pay their own bills, a lesson not learned in college classes. With that said, I argued that rich people should have the opportunity to pay their bills too. Here's the mini-article in The Weekly titled You Owe Us.
  • Affirmative Action. Removing race-based discrimination to counteract race-based discrimination, as the courts did last week, is probably an accurate interpretation of the Constitution, but that doesn't make college equitable. Wealthy people of every color will find a way into Harvard, but escaping poverty is still hard and, for some, nearly impossible. I covered this in Your College Degree is Blocking My View.
  • Gay Websites. A website designer sued for the right to decline to create a same-sex wedding website "just in case." The court ruled that no matter the pronouns of your website, it's not your right to hire someone that hates you (even if ideally just so you can fire them). I wrote about it in A Case About Nothing, an article with nearly 35 Seinfeld references hidden within its verbiage. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
  • Blocked on the Socials. The Supremes barred the Biden administration and all future administrations from interacting with social media companies in a way that might pressure them to take down content – because government interference could be considered an infringement of free speech. I've explained why I don't care because I've pulled away from social media altogether in Good Source Material.

More Articles. This Tuesday (or so), I have a new article coming out called "Words Ruin Everything." about the failure of language in politics. Look for it in your inbox, or sign up if you're reading this on the internet.

That's our feature. Here's the rest of The News.

Hot Takes

Week 27 of 2023


Now posting a thread on Twitter is called "ironic" instead of inefficient since the announcement of the new "Twitter Killer" app called Threads. The app is was launched by Instagram, which is owned by Facebook, which is owned by Meta. Yet Threads is none of those apps. Or is it?

The app has become the most rapidly downloaded, outpacing ChatGPT and the email open rates of The Lorem Ipsum. Twitter has directed its lawyer (which we believe is Barry Zuckerkorn, the Bluth family lawyer from Arrested Development) to send letters to Meta, claiming they had used trade secrets obtained from its former employees. For example, Threads doesn't have an edit button, an idea obviously stolen from the much smaller social media company that hasn't been around for as long. In response, a Threads executive, Andy Stone, said no former Twitter employees worked on threads, but he did admit to not having an edit button and that it was frustrating. (more)

Fire Works

The Lorem Ipsum is not the only thing that's hot these days. Because welcome to Earth, a place that set a record on the 4th of July for the highest temperature ever recorded, referring to Earth's average global temperature. Experts are certain the problem is man-made. Specifically, scientists explain it is caused partly by climate change and also the man-made emissions from the large volume of baked beans often consumed in the US on the 4th of July holiday. (more)


Israel launched attacks on Jenin, a Palestinian stronghold in the West Bank. Israel's nationalist-religious Government ordered the uprising. To describe the fight, one onlooker said it was a lot like Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk's fight, except it's been going on since 1947, and it still doesn't. (more)


President Biden hosted Prime Minister Ulf Kristersson of Sweden at the White House as his country continued its campaign to join the NATO alliance. The two talked about the partnership between their countries, about selling F16 rockets to Turkey, and about the fact that Sweded appears to be a phallic shape on the map. (more)

That's it for this week.

Thanks for being here and sharing around the world.

Have a great weekend!

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