Easy Solutions

The best virtue signaling and more. It's this week's news.

Easy Solutions
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Hey Friends,

This week, I started gearing up for the holidays. My main task was readying the house for guests. That means my wife now calls me Little Plummer Boy as I change bathroom fixtures to ready our little manger so our visitors can enjoy running water after we soak them in alcohol for a few hours.

I got the job done, but the process involved water spewing to the ceiling at full blast after a faulty shutoff valve ruined my day. And the inside of the cabinets.

The decision to change the faucets was easy. Getting it done was not.

There are no easy solutions. More on that in a minute.

But first, let's get to The News.

Hot Takes

Week 46 of 2023

Get Johnson'ed

Surprisingly, Congressional Democrats have been getting along with the new Speaker, Mike Johnson, perhaps with reticence toward his view that most of them will be tortured in hell for eternity after their time in elected office and on earth comes to an end. Until then, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer praised him for coming toward the Democrats and avoiding poison pills. Johnson pushed ahead a bill to keep the government open, suggesting that Johnson is Kevin McCarthy with glasses on, like Clark Kent – effectively fooling everyone into thinking he is someone different.

Some of the Republicans weren't fooled. The bill known as a CR (which some say stands for Clearwater Revival) was passed with support from nearly every Democrat but with 93 Republicans voting against it. (more)

Scott Free

Tim Scott decided to drop out of the presidential race to focus on a different campaign: getting to second base with his new girlfriend. Apparently, he's been inching closer by bringing her to the debate last week (and maybe putting his hand on her thigh a little). In the debate, he talked about everything but his single-digit polling numbers, but after he and his new steady got ice cream, she and God both told him it was time. So, on Sunday, Scott admitted defeat live on Fox News, where he said in the interview that he was called to run but not called to win. I agree, but instead of basing my conclusion on a one-on-one planning session with God, I based it on math. (more)


George Santos announced that he wouldn't seek reelection after a House committee found substantial evidence that he violated federal law and lied about things that didn't even matter. A 56-page document revealed the findings and is found right here. But I have a few problems with the report. For one, if I were writing it, I would have dedicated at least one full page to his lies about being a volleyball star because that is hilarious, and I wouldn't have bought it for a second. Then, I'd add another page that explains the difference between being "Jewish" and "Jew - ish" both of which he is probably not. (more)

Fine China

According to CNN, Chinese President Xi and US President Biden had a high-stakes dinner meeting this week; however, taking a closer look, it looks more like there was no steak at all. It was a basic Carolina Gold Rice Pilaf meeting.

In their summit in San Francisco, the two discussed their goals to curb carbon emissions, which starts with Loren Boehert's vaping habit, followed by better energy policies. Beyond that, they discussed situations regarding nuclear arms, which I initially thought was referring to Marjorie Taylor Green (she is a cross-fitter), but I can now confirm it was actually a discussion about avoiding a conflict between the two countries. (more)


Speaking of nuclear arms, a brawl almost broke out in a Senate hearing between Oklahoma's Republican Sen. Markwayne Mullin and Sean O’Brien, the president of the Teamsters Union. Senator Bernie Sanders thankfully stepped in to remind him he was a United States Senator. Here's the video.

That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's Feature.

Easy Solutions

Feature Story

Hey Daniel, when are you going to do a post calling for a ceasefire in Gaza? It's the only way I can support you until a new issue becomes more popular!

– Anonymous Harvard Law Student

There's nothing I love more than to virtue signal. That's why every time I'm out to an expensive dinner with friends, I donate to a homeless person before I drive back to my safe home in the suburbs where HOAs and local ordinances ensure no poor people will come and ruin the place for us. Also, my neighbors all know that I face my lawn mower exhaust AWAY from the neighborhood pond, preventing grass clippings from throwing off the fish's man-made ecosystem. I also recycle. That's why if you ever catch me with one of countless plastic water bottles or an Amazon package, you can be confident it will end up in the right trash container.

I check my privilege at least weekly, and I remind you to do the same. But I suppose you are asking about a different virtue signal that I have yet to issue here on these pages.

Calling for a ceasefire.

I can understand why that would be important to you. If you're like most people, a simple statement in solidarity may be the only thing keeping you from upgrading to a paid subscription (plus the fact that recycling costs money in some cities).

A ceasefire sounds like a good plan. While we're at it, let's also tell spammers to give it a rest so that both my email and my phone can relax for a moment. Or maybe we need a two-inbox solution like some have. One to chat back and forth like Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks and the other to serve as an open-air prison for emails trying to sell me porn, viagra, and upgrades to my website. The truth is, we're in a war of ideas, and my newsletter appears to be right in the middle of it.

In a perfect world, Israel would lay its weapons down, and Hamas would agree to do the same. That is not the world we live in. Let's talk about the real one for a moment.

The World We Live In

In the Bronze Age, Canaanites established some of the first civilizations in the Middle East, in Palestine, in the area we call Israel today. During the Iron Age, Israel and Judah, two Jewish kingdoms, controlled much of the area. The Assyrians later conquered it, then the Babylonians, then the Persians. Later, Alexandar the Great conquered the Persians, turning the land into a Greek oasis with really thick yogurt and lots of olives and hummus. Eventually, the Judean Hasmoneans conquered them, bringing in Roman rule, where soldiers wore skirts but were still really, really tough. Rome annexed the area, and the Jews got pissed, so they destroyed Jerusalem when the Jews revolted. The Muslim Conquest came next at around 600 CE, and the Crusades came in around 1000 CE to reestablish the Kingdom of Jerusalem with military force.

The land was subject to conquest several times again by the Egyptians, then by the Asians, and the Egyptians again, and then the Turkish empire.

Eventually, the British Empire, during World War I, issued the Balfour Declaration to establish a national home for the Jews as a favor coming out of their installment of conquest and occupation in the area. They mandated two separate states, one Jewish and one Arab, but violence between Arabs and Jews erupted until the British Government announced its plans to terminate its mandate and leave the areas. Arab groups saw their opening, so they initiated an invasion. However, the Jews prevailed after a long, hard World War II built up their determination, and in 1948 they established the Israeli state. The two broader but fragmented groups have been fighting for the same land ever since.

As I've covered in the July 2022 article, Arming America (With Information), rhetoric often escapes reason, and solutions are rarely easy. In a world where breaking into civilian homes to shoot, burn, rape, and behead babies and grandmas while cheering and live streaming it on the internet is known as "resisting the occupier," a ceasefire may seem like a reasonable suggestion, but one thing about that suggestion is clear: No country has, and no country will ever do that.

When Hamas says, "Israel will exist and will continue to exist until Islam will obliterate it, just as it obliterated others before it." Israel no longer assumes it's a metaphor for peace and harmony "from the river to the sea." When the ceasefire of October 6th was brought to an end by Hamas, Israel accepted their invitation. But as for their offer to wipe them off the planet, Israel declined.

But please do tell me about your protests and your easy solutions.

It's easy to call for a ceasefire, but history reminds us that it will never happen. And if it does, even the most virtuous among us won't be leaving our comfortable homes to solve the problems that follow.

There are no easy solutions, and I won't try to fool you into thinking there is.

That's it for this week.

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Have a great weekend!

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