Somebody fix these potholes!

Somebody fix these potholes!

Hey Friends,

If you’re wondering why this email feels an hour earlier, it’s because we just sprung forward on Sunday, and you haven’t adjusted yet. Losing an hour has put me just a little bit behind, but as usual, The Lorem Ipsum has been delivered on time.

I’m sorry that I’m not mentioning sports this week.

I know this week is really important for a lot of you, and I don’t take it for granted. To clarify, I do take it for granted that it’s important to you. I just don’t take this week for granted. I hope you enjoy your sports.

In other news, while public discourse has been crowded with war, people have still managed to cut through the clutter to complain about gas prices and potholes. I’ll talk more about that in a minute.

But first, The News.

Editor’s Note: Are you too shy to utter an audible question on a Zoom call? Has Ask Jeeves failed to give you useful answers as of late?

Quit asking cartoon butlers and start asking The Lorem Ipsum. Send an email to [email protected] and your question will be considered for a future issue.

What happened this week?

  • A Russian TV Professional jumped into a live broadcast to warn viewers that Russia is lying to them.
  • Zelensky spoke to US Congress to garner support.
  • Biden called Putin a war criminal, pure thug and murderous dictator.
  • The Kremlin’s response was “I know you are but what am I?”

Week 11 has been a big week. Let’s get to the news.

Hot Takes

Week 11 of 2022

We could be one hour closer to the midterm elections. The Senate this week unanimously approved a bill to make Daylight Savings Time permanent. Some liberal pundits said it was the first time they saw Republicans approve a bill that didn’t turn the clock back. For Democrat support, it was determined that by removing one more hour from their days in office (which are numbered) they would also be taking one more hour of earnings from the rich, so overall it was a no brainer.

Fist Bump The Fed. Jerome Powell, Federal Reserve Chairman announced an increase of interest rates by 0.25%, and hinted at 6 more increases this year. He gave a detailed press conference after the announcement. When asked who was to blame, the Fed said they didn’t know, explaining that the experts tend to be average Americans who post their analysis on social media.

Hunting Hunter. Hunter Biden (who happens to be the President’s son) is subject to an inquiry related to his tax affairs and overseas business dealings. He ended up paying off the tax bill but whether he should have registered as a foreign agent is still being reviewed. And also Breaking: In an upset to Republicans, it has been determined that Hunter is not the President at this time.

The Cowboy Politician. The New Mexico elected official who formed Cowboys for Trump is going on trial for the January 6th Riot. In protest, he claims he is going to show up to court on a horseback (LOL). For the record, I didn’t add any embellishments to this story except the LOLs.

It’s Alive! Omicron is mutating and spreading in Europe among other places, but for the most part I think we would prefer to ignore that and move on. So I made this the last Take, because it’s not that Hot.

That’s the news for this week. Now for The Gist.

When are they going to fix all these potholes?

The Gist

I’ve spent the better part of the last month distracted and I’m sure I’m not alone. After all it is Tax season, and seeing red is incredibly distracting.

For me, the bigger distraction has been the extra focus on the roads in an effort to avoid potholes, when I should be looking straight ahead into the great wide open. I know who we can blame for all of this.

I’ll talk about this and other problems we face in this week’s article.

Homeless in a Cashless Society

Ask The Lorem Ipsum

Hey Daniel,

The other day, I was asked for money by an apparent homeless person, but I didn’t have any cash. He said he accepted Venmo and Cash App. What do we do about beggars in a cashless society?

John B., Atlanta, GA

Well, first of all John, you have to realize that this guy called your bluff. It’s okay, they call mine too. It’s not that we are not charitable, maybe we just don’t want to give our private information to complete strangers, no matter where they live. Perhaps you’re strict with your budget categories and he caught you on the wrong day for donations. You could have a bunch of white envelopes a-la Dave Ramsey to put every bit of cash into very controlled budgetary segments, except instead of white envelopes, it’s a series of colorful apps on your iPhone (you seem like an iPhone guy to me John). Perhaps there’s a deeper layer, though. Maybe you would like to focus on solving a bigger problem.

One thing you’ve probably noticed about the petitioners is that they are not only more sophisticated, there are also more of them. That’s because, over the course of 2020, poverty has increased. In fact, average annual household incomes have gone down–from $69,560 in 2019 to $67,521 in 2020. That’s not because of the stock market or home values (which have skyrocketed) but because those that don’t have stocks or their own homes have actually been pushed down despite wealth increases for people with assets and especially billionaires.

You know what else went up? Crime. That’s right. Crime and poverty are buddies because desperate people do desperate things. That means poverty is costly for the poor, but it’s also costly for everyone else.

I’m not saying I’m going to be scanning cash apps downtown to send strangers money. I’m just saying the real question is “what do we do about poverty?” Because avoiding it is bad for all of us.


Are you stumped about something? Do you want to stump me? hit me up at [email protected]

That’s it for this week’s issue. Have a great weekend!

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