Not an April Fools Joke

Not an April Fools Joke

Hey Friends

Good morning. If this is your first time receiving this email, it is not an April Fool’s joke. This is a real email that several people read, on purpose.

For the rest of you, thank you for checking your spam folder. Also, thanks for reading, sharing and signing your friends up without their consent. Surely they know that was your doing.

The Oscars took place this week, and I have to say, it felt like a slap in the face to be snubbed yet another year. I’ve frequently said that The Oscars should add a “Best Newsletter Writer” category or something. Or perhaps “Lowest Blow” – however I admit that while a nomination would be cool, it’s unlikely I would have beat the competition this year (as some do).

Like almost all of you (except maybe 15 million of you), I didn’t watch the broadcast. I have however heard some chatter about the show. If you’re wanting an update to the Oscars, look no further. Here’s who won:

No one.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to next year!

This week, I wrote about domestic violence. I’ll get to that in a minute.

First, let’s get to The News.

Here’s what you need to know about Week 13. As always, I link to a more credible source if my embellishments need a good fact checking.

Hot Takes

Week 13 of 2022

That Kinda Slaps Tho

Okay, so we know that Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. I told Chris not to worry about it because the same thing happens to me every time I send out an email.

Word has it Will’s mama got scared, so he is being sent to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air. After the incident Will attempted to erase everyone’s memory of the occurrence with a flashlight, but since Twitter exists now, (and has no edit button) there was no way to remove it from our collective consciousness.

To see a breakdown of who won Oscars, click here.

At the afterparty critics voted Zendaya best dressed. Beyonce won best undressed.

Most Likely Sir

A federal judge says Trump most likely committed crimes. This comes on the heels of literally everyone else saying that since July of 2019. White House records of Trump’s January 6th phone logs have a 7 hour gap adding to the suspicions he used burner phones.

Trump issued a statement saying “It’s 100% true”…

…that he hit a hole in one at his golf course.

Supreme Co-hort

Subpoenaed records of messages leading up to the January 6th attack on the Capitol show Ginni Thomas (wife to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas) sent text messages to Trump’s chief of staff urging action to keep Trump in office.

Some Democrats have called for Clarence Thomas to resign, citing his conflict of interest since his wife tried to overthrow the US Government.

Clarence’s response: “Overruled”.

Related: The One-6 Commish is widening it’s inquiry.


Actor Bruce Willis was diagnosed with Afasia, which affects cognitive functions related to communication (reading, writing, speaking). His family posted an update announcing the diagnosis. Despite the setback in his health, I’m still confident he will Die Hard.


I should mention that I have not added anything to the Newsletter about Russia this week, because I did not know what to Putin.

That’s it for the news. Now here’s The Gist.

The Impact of Slap

The Gist

When I was a kid, we were so poor we couldn’t even afford real cuss words. In times of aggression, we would call each other “meanofatguy”, a single word insult with power so destructive, so fiery, it was more ruinous than the blazes of hell and damnation itself, and it’s very utterance would crush even the strongest of strongmen.

In the fifties, you couldn’t talk about it. In 2022, you can’t escape it. Sometimes airing out dirty laundry is the only way to remind someone it needs cleaning. Warning. This article is about domestic violence and sexual assault. Read The Whole Thing.

And lastly…

The Capital T

Ask The Lorem Ipsum

Occasionally, my inbox is visited by a question from a reader. From time to time, I’ll answer them here.

Hey Daniel,

I am hopeful that the Lorem Ipsum will provide a commentary on “truth” in a future issue. Regardless, I am enjoying the propaganda. Cheers!

In your service, Dr Flossy, DDS

Well Dr Flossy, I initially thought you were asking me to provide commentary on the “tooth”, but I see now I was just thrown off by your (pseudo?)name. My initial thoughts were to cover whether there is such a thing as absolute Tooth, and I mean capital “T” Tooth, not just a statement made in the game “tooth or dare”. But tooth be told, I see you were actually asking me to comment on “Truth”.

Truth is funny, true as it may be. Like the social media site named after it–TRUTH SOCIAL–it doesn’t always work as well as you would like it to.

Truth often comes wrapped in language and language stems from culture and culture is a collection of personal experiences and how one perceives them. You see, I believe in Truth, and I love Truth more than I love my right lateral incisor. The problem we face as a community is that we can only know Truth if we know the facts, and then only if we agree on what we mean by facts.

When it comes to facts, one man’s war is another man’s special military operation, but does the difference of language make it not true if the definition of genocide and the name of a military procedure are exactly the same?

Some say the devil is a liar, yet another says the devil wears Prada. I say the devil is in the details. What are your thoughts?

Here’s an article I wrote on this topic originally back in 2014.

That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading and for sharing across the world.

Have A Great Weekend!

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