A Total Eclipse of the Heart
Nothing I could do. It's all in this week's news.
Hey Friends,
The final four ends today, and at least for a moment, our attention will shift from one ball to two. Those two balls, so aptly referred to as the sun and the moon.
Next week, a total solar eclipse will swipe by Austin at 1:30, scan across The Lorem Ipsum headquarters in Indianapolis at 3:06, and hit Buffalo by 3:18.
Every now and then, I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by… but then, this quadricentennial event comes into view. It’s going to be a good week.
Turn around, bright eyes. Let's get to The News.
Hot Takes
Week 14 of 2024
Greene New Steal
Marjorie Taylor Greene is showing her teeth, which I could personally do without. She's made an attempt to accomplish what experts refer to as "nothing" in most cases, by filing a motion to remove Speaker Mike Johnson from his post. Mike took a break from Easter dinner to talk with Trey Gowdy about the dissension from Greene, saying "she's a friend" which is proof again that politicians lie, but a gentle reminder to Greene on how to be more effective with the media.
After a meeting between the two, the Congresswoman and CrossFit enthusiast doubled down on her attacks by calling Johnson a 'damn fool' for working with Democrats to pass legislation, with legislative examples including acts like keeping the government open and others. Johnson's position is that the infighting only stands to shave off their chances of retaining a majority come November, and Greene's position is a downward thrust known as "The Snatch Balance," a skill which hasn't paid dividends for her time in Congress. (more)
Probably Moot
I'm literally going to start writing about Donald Trump in small letters just to reduce his presence in the news cycle. However, it's fair to acknowledge that the cycle is what it is, and the most unsavory among us gets the most coverage. This week, Donald was told he couldn't delay his Manhattan trial any longer, which means in about ten days, the Tangerine Tonnage will be seated before a judge and jury on a criminal trial over a sex scandal which, surprisingly, may have been a campaign finance violation. But for every bad day, there is a good one for The Golden Shoe Slinger, and this week, a judge delayed his documents trial because, if I hear my details right, she's a slow reader and was behind on her own prep. Same, Judge! It takes me months to read a book, and that's if I even remember I was reading it to begin with.
The Don is laden with more cases than Stormy Daniel's on an all-expense vacation to Mar-a-Lago. Specifically criminal cases, so expect more where those came from. But while his most recent appeal is playing out, he'll hold onto his real estate properties because he did indeed secure a bond for $175 million to hold off the seizure of his property in a civil case against his business for illegally inflating his net worth (known as Trumpflation).
But isn't all this all moot? Or, what I would call a "mute point" since Trump might be immune from prosecution forever under all circumstances? We'll find out later this month when the Supreme Court reviews the question.
Floridamaids Tale
Now, before you tropical types open up your Hinge apps, let's talk about the risks first. I'll explain it this way: when a man and a woman don't really love each other, but they spend some special time together anyway, things can happen, and prices must be paid. Hands should be wrung. Reality must be checked. And that’s why Florida had to take action. This week, in Florida, the courts allowed a law banning abortion after six weeks but also said it could be unbanned if that’s what everyone wants by approving a referendum that could overturn all post-Roe limitations. Meanwhile, weed is on the Florida ballot this November, too. And all the people said, "Blessed be the fruit," to which I say, "May the Lord open." (more)
Domestic Differences
When Mommy and Daddy are fighting, usually everyone just sits there awkwardly or cries. This week is just such a time. President Biden, instead of hugging Benjamin Netanyahu as he's been known to do, said all US support would be contingent on how he treats civilians.
As of late, Israel has lost its shine even amongst some of its defenders. When Hamas attacked Israel on October 7th, they said, "It was pure evil!" When people called for a ceasefire, they said, "There was a ceasefire on October 6th!" Now, after seven aid workers died in an Israeli airstrike, Netanyahu says, "Israel deeply regrets the tragic incident." Deeply? Tell that to a Yale Law School student! Or anyone under 29, for that matter. It seems the belief that Israel goes out of its way to protect civilians is becoming less convincing when clearly marked aid vehicles are bombed. As you know, I don't have an opinion on this one, but if I did, it would be that if Israel truly is doing their best to protect civilians, they are not very good at it. (more)
Hot Quake
On Wednesday, a 7.2 magnitude earthquake rocked Taiwan, killing nine and injuring over 1,000. While the country focuses on search and rescue for people who are trapped or stranded, the rest of the world is just wondering if it isn't too soon to ask about the flow of semiconductors, which much of the world depends on Taiwan to produce. I think we can focus on the safety of the community and economic production at the same time, but I have been known to have a Taipei personality. (more)
That's it for this week.
Remember: With a name like The Lorem Ipsum, it has to be good. Share this sweet sample issue with your friends.
Have a great weekend!
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