3 Fast and 3 Furious

Yet another episode from the popular franchise that is Trump's legal woes, and this week's news.

3 Fast and 3 Furious
He's too fast and too furious. And so is this new sequel. 

You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out. Sign up here.

Hey Friends,

In life, nothing is certain except death and another sequel to The Fast and The Furious series.

I'm not talking about the 11th installment of The Vin Diesel movies. That's going to depend on whether Hollywood can resolve its labor disputes – since SAG-AFTRA told the studios, "If you're going to act like a factory boss in Les Miserables, then we're not going to act at all."

No, I'm talking about the Furious Five – the number of cases the MAGA king faces right now. So even if we don't get another season of HBO's Perry Mason, we'll definitely be seeing plenty of scenes in court.

Let's get right to it...

Here's The News.

Hot Takes

Week 29 of 2023

Indicted III: Turbo Charged

We've been able to take a break from Trump content in the newsletter since June 30th, but experts know that is a short-lived holiday break. To the Orange One, an indictment is almost as common as a diet coke break, and to no surprise, the next episode in the franchise is coming soon. According to the news on Tuesday, we're closing in on Major Indictment III, which, like Dominic Toretto's latest hijacking operation, probably isn't the last.

Trump, over the next several months, will be racing between court appearances and campaign events, and his best defense remaining is to win the election. Trump has successfully parlayed his legal issues into donations, which he will inevitably use to buy MacDonalds and Coke on the campaign trail between court appearances and quiffs of his single yellow hair, which is circularly woven into one of the world's most famous fluffy helmets. Anyway, special counsel Jack Smith‘s office sent Trump a formal letter, the type that usually precedes an indictment. (more)

Related: A judge declined a Trump request to move the Manhattan Hush Money indictment to a Federal court on the theory that his actions were related to his role as President. The Judge said no.

Also related: 16 people were charged by Michigan's attorney general in the alleged fake elector scheme designed to overturn the state's results in the 2020 election.

The Wesleyan Family

If you're looking to get into a preferred college, one way is to demonstrate that your parents went to that same college. This works great for people who have parents that went to that college and work again for their grandchildren. Well, Wesleyan University realized this was detrimental to the disadvantaged groups, like, for example, someone whose grandparents were poor because their lineage was put on its course because of slavery (hypothetical). They announced an end the practice just this week in light of the end of affirmative action, so if you're Lin-Manuel Miranda's kid, you can forget about putting that on your application because it won't help. (more)

Russia, Now Gluten-Free

Last week, a bridge attack, which Russia blamed on Ukraine, prompted intense attacks on Kyiv and areas of Southern Ukraine. To retaliate, Russia practiced some "tough loaf" by pulling out of an agreement to permit the exporting of wheat from Ukraine. They said any Ukraine-bound ships are now deemed hostile. Russia has stepped up attacks on grain exporting infrastructure. As for Ukraine, they say they are losing a lot of dough. (more)

Pence Wise, Pound Foolish

Mike Pence has not yet qualified to be on the debate stage by meeting the bar of 40,000 donors. Experts believe it’s because he has like no chance of winning. Pence says they are on a good trajectory to make it, with his polling around 7%, but just about everyone else, including FiveThirtyEight, thinks that number is not very high. (more)

So I Married an Axe Murderer

With a love for innocent young women and mysterious disappearances, the true-crime podcast genre will be enjoying a heydey covering the story of the Gilgo Beach Killer who has been caught after a classic gumshoe-style stakeout.

However, It appears that Rex won't be having many conjugal visits in jail because his wife of 27 years has decided she doesn't want to be married to a murderer. Rex was found out through tedious evidence ranging from hairs found at the murder scene to DNA on banana peels he had slipped on. (more)


  • It's hotter than a jalapeño's armpit in a stolen Tomale.
  • The Israeli President told Congress his country is not racist.
  • Wagner gon' keep wagging. And also, told ya.

Words Ruin Everything

To anyone ordering a sandwich, mayonnaise is an acceptable option, but dipping your fries in it is questionable. You can class the chips up with some garlic aioli any day, a delicacy right up there with truffles, which are definitely not mold.

I've been studying works for decades and selling them just the same. In my primary business, words are used to create raving fans, stimulate hunger, and resolve pain. And if they are used wrong, they can create division.

Last week, I wrote an in-depth essay about how bad language builds movements but prevents progress. I address several hot-button topics directly. If you missed it, you can read the whole thing here.

Words Ruin Everything
How bad language builds movements but prevents progress.

That's it for this week. If you want to support my work, please share, or consider becoming a paid subscriber for access to occasional premium articles.

Have a great weekend!

How to Support The Lorem Ipsum:

Better With Friends: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including Twitter, Facebook, and Linkedin
Founders: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, become a Founder for $5 per month, or leave a tip to say thanks.