One thing leaks to another.

One thing leaks to another.

Hey Friends,

I’m happy to report that I do not have to pay a water and gas bill through this entire summer.

This all started with a shocking bill a while back. It was astronomically high on the water portion of the combined bills. The steep number became our new “budget plan” payment amount.

An amount which we paid for well over 18 months until we discovered an enormous credit.

The cause?

A Leaky toilet in Junior Lorem Ipsum’s bedroom. The water leak turned into a leak of funds.

That’s not the only leak to talk about this week. I’ll get into that topic in a moment.

But first, The News.

Here’s what happened in the headlines this week.

Hot Takes

Week 18 of 2022

The Primary Elections took place in Ohio and Indiana this past week, and on the Republican side, all candidates are looking for the Party Boss to support their campaigns. Trump endorsed J.D. Mandel, who was not a candidate at all, but happened to be a name combo of two candidates.

According to Trumps spokesperson, he prefers to make up his own candidates, because real people “are just not that great”. Trump said “We’re going to make our own candidates, and they’re going to be the best candidates, like you’ve never seen before.”

J.D. Vance won the nomination for Republican for Senate, in Ohio ahead of Josh Mandel and Matt Dolan.

What Precedent? You may have heard about a SCOTUS leaked draft majority opinion overturning Roe V. Wade. The draft came out ahead of a likely June ruling, meaning it definitely saw its shadow. Sorry guys, six more weeks of winter.

Following the news, shares rose sharply for wire hangers. I’ll have more on this later.

Have you Heard? Johnny Depp and ex wife Amber Heard are in a vicious court battle this week, where Depp has accused Heard of such violence as cutting off his finger tip and pooping on his side of the bed. Heard has said Depp abused her for years, including a moment where she feared for her life when he threw an iPhone at her head.

A Psychologist testifying in the case on behalf of Heard said Johnny Depp has bad tattoos. No word yet on whether any “Heard” puns have come into play in the trial.

In case you’re Interest-ed. The Fed raised interest rates once again, this time by 50 basis points.

Following the news, the Dow got a workout by surging on Wednesday only to be wiped out on Thursday, losing more than 1,000 points. Representatives of the Fed say that in addition to raising interest rates, to fight inflation, the economy is trying to exercise more.

Some More News, Quickly:

  • Naomi Judd has died by suicide. She battled mental health challenges since before people realized mental health was actually just health.
  • Russian oil will soon be the Cuban cigar of the east. The European Union issued a total ban on imports.
  • Dave Chapelle was attacked on stage during a performance in Hollywood on Tuesday night, but he was fine.

That’s it for the news. Here’s The Gist.


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